5 Reasons I Cherish 2014: Part 2

Note: This article first appeared on Medium

This is Part 2 of my ‘Reasons I Cherish 2014′ series. Yesterday, I talked about the joy that my pet, Oreo, has brought into my life. Today, let me tell you about the power of genuine relationships.

Lesson 2: If you want to be rich, form enriching relationships

“Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Let their spirit ignite a fire within you to leave this world better than when you found it” ― Wilferd Peterson

The normally raucous class was silent because our eighth-grade Math teacher was walking around the room and handing out graded tests.

The rustle of papers and the scraping of her shoes sounded ominous in the quietness.

I looked around.

Most of my classmates were anxious, but no one was as scared as I was. My gut was sending me SOS signals. I knew my grade was going to be horrible

The teacher walked gracefully to each desk and distributed the grades. My eyes tracked her every step. After what felt like an eon, she stood beside me and, smiling, gave me the test booklet. My trembling right hand reached out and grabbed it while I gulped my fear

Cradling the booklet in my hands, I bowed down to say a silent prayer, and then opened it with utmost tenderness, as though I was handing a particularly delicate glass object.

There it was — mocking me in red ink. My grade. I relaxed a little, although my score wasn’t satisfying. It wasn’t as bad as I expected, but it still wasn’t good enough for me.

“Never mind. No one would have scored higher. I will do better the next time”, I reassured myself.

I was so lost in my thoughts that it took a few moments to decipher what my teacher was uttering.

I pressed the Rewind button in my mind and heard her say, “You all performed well. But only one person scored a hundred percent. Let’s clap for Mr. P”

What? WHat? WHAt? WHAT?

I couldn’t believe that somebody had the audacity to achieve not only a higher grade, but a perfect score of 35/35. Tears of humiliation danced in my eyes and — before I could stop them — those drops streamed down my cheeks and I was choking back loud sobs as my classmates looked at me with varying degrees of disgust.

My kindly teacher felt so bad for me — or maybe just wanted to shut me up — that she actually raised my grade.

My original grade? It was a 34/35.

GASP!

A Rat in a Rotten Race

If you are still here, thank you. And please feel free to laugh at me and call me all kinds of degrading names. Anyone who creates a public scene for losing one point in an insignificant high school test deserves every snicker, smirk and sneer!

But if you think I exaggerated my emotions in the above story, you are wrong. I can still visualize that teenager creating a ruckus in class because she came second in that paltry test.

You see, I was a grade-obsessed snob throughout my school years. I had several chips on my shoulders, and believed –with all my heart — that I was better than my peers. Is it any wonder that most of my classmates despised me?!

Even I would debase my teenage-self today.

That girl measured her worth by the numbers on a grade report. She was a petty young lady who felt compelled to come first in every test and every extracurricular activity. Consequently, she expended every ounce of energy to make sure that no one would surpass her in the number-game. Any deviation from this norm threw her into a whirlpool of despair.

Meanwhile, she forgot to forge trustworthy relationships with her classmates.

She never collaborated, only competed. Her tunnel vision prevented her from having fun with her peers! She believed that an evening out with friends would impact her standings in school. Hence, she stayed away, pulling all-nighters in a bid to establish herself as the best.

And her efforts paid off — at least for a while.

What she did have were ideal numbers on her report card. What she did not havewas a relationship-enriched life.

Barring a congenial classmate who stood by her side through thick and thin — and put up with her hoity-toity attitude — that girl was alone, chasing some unimportant benchmark of success. For almost two and a half decades, her academic standing determined the luminosity of her smile.

A Near Death and Forever Rebirth

It took a different type of number-obsession to jolt me to the miracles of mutually-satisfying relationships. (Guess I have been attached at the hip to numbers all my life in various ways!)

At age 28, I weighed less than eighty pounds, was diagnosed with Anorexia and was told I would die without medical intervention. After being hospitalized four times and laid off from my old job, I felt lost. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have any direction. No societal convention told me where to go and what to do.

Thankfully, my practical husband grabbed me by the shoulders and made me recognize that these setbacks only bestowed me with the wondrous opportunity to finally weave the life of my dreams — as a writer.

Feeling rejuvenated — and immensely grateful to this kind man — I enrolled myself in a Journalism course at a Community College. In addition, I also joined the Introduction to Marketing course because one of my childhood desires was to become a Copywriter, which is regarded as an offshoot of Advertising (which, in turn, is a subset of Marketing).

Discovering marketing was like stumbling upon a goldmine of possibilities. Until then, I had equated this profession with smarmy salesmen. Thanks to a wonderful professor — and some fun assignments — I realized that marketing is about creating treasured relationships with your clients, customers and competitors.

The best marketers combine their creative skills with their empathetic sensibilities to fashion memorable campaigns that offer value to their target audience.

I loved that there was no one right answer in marketing. Sure, the WWW is replete with formulas and rules for success, but, ultimately, marketing boils down to your intuition, insights and inimitable ideas. The ones who set trends always break rules and blaze new trails of triumph.

The entire course enthralled me so much that I completed an associate degree in marketing. Around the same time, I was introduced to social media as a powerful marketing tool, and my world would never remain the same.

Social Media: An Extended Family

I had already figured out the power of social media to kindle new relationships and mend broken ones due to my favorite platform, Facebook.

Remember the classmates I snubbed in school? While this proud class-topper almost lost her life — and definitely lost her job — to starvation, those supposedly lowly guys and gals had erected triumphant careers and created loving families.

I would have understood if they had rejected my Friend Requests. Heck, I would have ignored my prior self if she had tried to contact me after ten to fifteen years of cold absence. But my ex-classmates not only accepted my truce, some of them reached out and supported me unconditionally while I was traversing the (hopefully) worst period of my life.

Hence, I was cognizant about the power of social media as a simmering pot of wonderful relationships. But I remained unaware of its potential to connect strangers in a life-altering manner.

During those two-plus years as a marketing student, I discovered Twitter, my ‘marketing crush’. Like a giddy kid waiting to unwrap Christmas presents, I watched excitedly as the Twitter feed changed at lightning speed. I engaged in spur-of-the-moment conversations with random strangers just to get acclimatized to this weirdly wonderful platform.

A few months after hopping around on Twitter, a chance Tweet led me toGoogle Plus and their path-breaking Hangouts-on-Air functionality. Between Facebook, Twitter and Google Plus, I formed positive relationships with awe-inspiring visionaries who had looked fear in the eye and taken calculated risks to LIVE their dream. Since I wanted to experience the entire spectrum of social media, I also became active in Pinterest and opened an account on LinkedIn (I am still hesitant about this intimidating platform, but one of my 2015 goals is to become more comfortable interacting in this professional environment)

My unassuming acquaintances accept me for who I am without judging, preaching or criticizing (and I return the favor).

These luminaries teach me — every day — that life isn’t an austere checklist; it is a compelling adventure.

Their unswerving affection (and support) has imbued me with the courage to heed the whispers of my heart and the confidence to fashion a career as a writer at my own pace.

Writing is one of the most unpredictable professions, which makes it both grueling and galvanizing. I want to give up every hour because this journey is just too damn hard. But every time that nasty demon in my mind prods me to forego my ambitions, the angels in my soul — in the form of my online relationships — urge me to take baby steps forward.

It would not be an over-statement to declare that I would have relinquished my dream of becoming a reputable writer without the wit, warmth and wisdom of these social media connections.

From Facebook Groups to Twitter Chats to Google Plus HOAs, I have ‘met’ and interacted with several enterprising entrepreneurs who understand and appreciate my desire to spin a meaningful existence doing what I love.

Some of my closest buddies are privy to my pitiful whining on a regular basis. But these pals patiently stand by and listen while I vent my angst because they are extremely familiar with these internal wars that are pockmarked with tumultuous emotions and chaotic challenges. They have also ranted and raged and raved, but continue enjoying their pothole-ridden trek anyway.

I feel blessed to have connected with such stimulating, sincere and solicitous men and women who lead by example, and show me that it is possible to be genuinely happy on your own terms, so long as you don’t give up!

I want to look at that drama-queen in eighth grade and say, “Sweetie! You were a success by society’s standards. However, you were alone and extremely poor otherwise. I feel bad that you were ignorant about your misery”

Today, although I am a struggling writer who toils to piece words together, and have absolutely no evidence of success, I have never felt more inspired, invigorated and irrepressible, thanks to my enriching relationships.

Thank you to each one of my kindred spirits who has gently swept into my life, igniting a revolution of hopefulness and happiness within me. I don’t have the words to describe my gratitude, but please know that you have made me come alive.

I can’t wait to see how many more long-lasting relationships will be crafted during my journey as a writer. My wish is to be a source of compassion, credence, comfort and confidence for each individual who crosses my path. I want to pay forward the kindness displayed to me by my past, present and future connections.

Will I stop focusing on grades? No. I plan on doing my PhD — sometime before Zombies strike – and will certainly aim for high scores. BUT I will most definitely not allow a number to impact the quality or quantity of my relationships.